The Onion is the Comedy Central of newspapers. And, just like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have provided some of our best television interviews and economic commentary, The Onion, as always, is spot on. Now that the election is over, it appears that their staff has focused on the economy. Just today, there were 4 stories.
$700 Billion Bailout Celebrated With Lavish $800 Billion Executive Party
GEORGE TOWN, CAYMAN ISLANDS—Amid the bleak backdrop of imminent economic collapse, worried observers got some good news last October when executives from the nation's top 10 failing companies celebrated the historic $700 billion government bailout with an ultra- extravagant $800 billion party aimed at restoring confidence and bolstering their resolve.
"It's never ideal for private corporations to rely on public funding, but we would not have been able to survive another week without letting loose and throwing this massive bash," Merrill Lynch CEO John Thain said aboard his newly purchased $22 million yacht, the Excelsior. "We can only hope it's not a case of too little too late.”…
The Onion's 2008 In Review: The Economy
The Dow Jones Industrial Average has fallen nearly 6,000 points since reaching its all-time high of more than 14,000 last year. What do you think?
We're In An Economy-Sized Pickle!
Refusing to buy all this news about the economy being in the ol' litter box? Well, believe it. It's true! And how does your pal Jean know this? Because I'm being forced to—get this—take a second job! What more crystal-clear indicator do you need that our country isn't doing so hot?
That royal grouch Hubby Rick absolutely insisted I go back into the workforce "for real" this time. Rick has always had a problem with my laid-back, inspired career, but now he's claiming I have no choice in the matter, because the tire center isn't giving anyone a raise for at least a year and is forcing the employees to pay higher health insurance premiums. So now I'm back out peddling the ol' resume….
And if you haven’t seen “The Money Hole,” it’s worth a watch…
In The Know: Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?
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